Prov. 3:5-6

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Prov 3:5-6

For a long time, I leaned on my own understanding. I strayed from the faith I had as a child. Slowly at first, and then in an all-consuming sort of way, my heart grew hard, and I grew proud....and shamed.

It all started with wanting to be liked. I really just wanted everyone to like me, especially the "cool" kids. I assigned a lot of value to externals. If I was pretty enough, I would be good enough. But this quest for acceptance took me down a path with which my sensitive little heart could not cope.

I poured myself into people who gossiped about me, spread rumors, and said terrible things. To try and prove myself, I gave away more and more pieces of my wounded little soul, but to no avail. The more I gave, the more they talked, and so I flipped the switch.

I turned it off, no one was going to hurt me anymore. I would use my shell to keep them out. The pretty face would hide the pain, the body would get her way. And so the pride grew, and the shame grew too.

The point of this blog is that my understanding was darkened little by little as I made decisions without checking in with God first. It wasn't an all-of-a-sudden thing. I walked away from His love one step at a time, and when I ended up in the barren wilderness, thirsty and a shadow of the little girl that once was, I had walked the world a few times through. All those little decisions sure added up.

But here's THE GOOD NEWS, God never stopped pursuing me! He never left. The second I looked up from the blackened ground of that abyss, there He was...and ahhh was He LIGHT! LIGHT! He didn't look at me with an "I told you so" or a "how could you" look. No! He took my face in His hands and smiled into my eyes and without a word, my entire existence was "I love you."

What? How is this even possible. How could He love me after all of that? Why would He paint the most beautiful sunsets to woo me when I had turned my back on Him... after He gave His life to save me? How????? It is beyond my understanding.

God is beyond my understanding. His ways are beyond my understanding. That is why I must trust in Him when I don't understand. That is why I should always check in with Him first, because He knows what's best, and He will always give me what's best when I look to Him and surrender to His love.

There is beauty in the broken

Hello all you lovely ladies! I was doing my daily devotion this morning and looking outside and couldn't help but share with you girls what the Lord revealed to me this morning. So sit back, drink some tea and please read with excitement God's love for his people:

I love the rain! And unfortunately I only get to see cloudy and overcast days 2 weeks out of the year because I live in southern california. But when those 2-3 weeks do come, I joyfully run to my rainboots and slide them on eagerly then skip to my coats and scarfs and pick an outfit to match! Splashing in puddles brings me back to childhood, a time where worries were only about friends and what to present for show-and-tell days.

I love the contrasting colors of green and grey. The vibrant green foliage stands out even more with the beautifully frightening grey background. It reminds me so much of life and the beauty of the broken. We are all broken, we are human. But there is something so amazingly gorgeous about the broken, and that is Jesus Christ. I can say that there is beauty in the broken because I know that Jesus makes us whole. He is our wholeness and that wouldn't be possible if we were not broken. Sure, there may be dark, dreary days but Jesus is what makes me splash in the puddles with joy on those days.

Let me give you a personal example of brokenness. Last night, one of my dear friends from high school (whose name I shall not say) and I met over coffee to catch up. I had felt so convicted for not calling her or talking to her sooner because she just spilled every emotion, thought and concern that was racing through her mind. From divorcing parents, to a rocky relationship and scarce girlfriends this friend was clearly dealing with several emotional distractions that definitely left her broken. But despite all of these aspects that made my friend break down, I could not help looking at her and seeing an extraordinary amount of beauty. Jesus loves the broken because he loves to come in and rescue and make you whole through him. I felt extremely privileged to look upon my friend, in tears and in brokenness, and see her like her Savior sees her. How amazing is that! I do not know whether she understood why I was staring at her and smiling (she must have clearly thought me crazy or creeperish for wearing a huge smile on my face while she was balling her eyes out), but the Lord really put it in my heart to tell her that her beauty has never shined brighter than it was right then (and that's where she probably thought me psycho to the core). But the point is that even when we think that our world is at the ultimate low and we cannot imagine ourselves crawling out of the huge hole that was dug beneath us, God comes in with a rope, calls us his "beloved" and rescues us from the pits of despair. And that's what makes us beautiful to him!

We are all tremendously broken, but made whole, solely, through Jesus Christ!

~kim

Who Sleeps at a Sleepover?

On Friday was our first Wonderfully Made Sleepover! It was tons of fun! Thanks again to Kim for hosting it at her house, it was amazing being in a real home. We had a bunch of ladies just stay for dinner (home made pizza, yum!), nail painting and Valentine making. We acted extraordinarily girly and lived it up. I think all we missed was jumping around and singing Backstreet Boys into our hairbrushes loudly. If you couldn't make it, we missed you!
The next morning was the Women's Tea, and Shauna Niquist spoke. She was the author of the book Cold Tangerines and she is working on a new book, Bittersweet. She was wonderfully down to earth, and normal. One of my favorite things she said was, "You are significant without a significant other."
See you ladies tonight! Don't forget we are meeting in the Prayer Chapel which will be chilly, so bundle up! Here are some pictures from the sleepover and disco skate night! xoxo H

A Note from James

My roommate and I have been going through the book of James recently, we aren't moving very fast so we are at the beginning. I thought I would share some of the verses which have been helpful to me recently, with a slight twist on them. Now don't worry, I am not going to massacre the Word, I am just going to switch the examples from men to women.
(James 1:2)
Consider pure joy, my sisters whenever you face trails of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lack wisdom, she should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault. 13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each one is tempted when, by her own evil desire, she is dragged away and enticed. 19 My dear sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. 22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 26 If anyone considers herself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on her tongue, she deceives herself and her religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

There is so much in James that I can comment on. I will only touch upon a few though. I realize that is hard to be happy when things are hard. I can admit freely that this weekend was not easy for me, and I may have been enraged at God. I was very rude in my prayers, in the sense that I screamed out my frustration and anger. I read this on Sunday night, and i am feeling better. Nothing has changed except my own attitude. My own actions haven't even changed! I am just persevering and trying to have a positive outlook. It's not easy, but it is better for me.
Also: James 1:26 is just always applicable to me. I have the unfortunate habit of being sassy to the point of cruel sarcasm. Yes, you shouldn't say mean things. Obviously. I feel like this extends into general covnersations too. It is easy to gossip, or complain about other people, to talk about them behind their backs. We should hold tight to our tongues in those cases too.

Just some thoughts.
-H